I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
