Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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