Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
he quoted the bible to break up with me
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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