my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
