i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
