I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
