Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
