sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
