I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
