Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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