New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
