I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
