At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
