guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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