her vagine was all disorganized.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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