You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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