yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
