that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
