That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We're using joints as your birthday candles
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
