Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
You left your phone here
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