God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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