Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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