My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
