I'm sorry my penis didn't work
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
