Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
