I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
