Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
