DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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