you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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