you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
