our cab driver is having phone sex.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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