when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Randomize
