I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
