It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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