just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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