dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
