i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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