u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
