was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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