we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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