Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
