Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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