Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
