we're chasing vodka with high fives
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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