too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
