Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
i think my cat just said my name.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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