He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
