just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
