you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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