just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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