oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Randomize
