This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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