At least make sure they are 18
Why
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
