Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
