Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
whose ass print is on the piano?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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