I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
