I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize