she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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