my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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