tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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