Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
