About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
