Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You need a sexual gate keeper
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
