You just made me feel so damn special
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
