the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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