Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
