1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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