If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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