Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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