omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
