Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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