I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
