I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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