He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Randomize
