dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
