omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
