you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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