You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He shit in the fireplace
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
